


Schnickelfritz

by 50251sid



Category: The Borgias, The Borgias (2011)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-23
Updated: 2014-01-23
Packaged: 2018-01-09 18:57:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1149607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/50251sid/pseuds/50251sid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A silly little tale</p>
            </blockquote>





	Schnickelfritz

The teenage Borgia brothers, Cesare and Juan, took gleeful delight in making their younger sister, Lucrezia, laugh at inappropriate times.  They really should have been ashamed of themselves, because, with her sunny nature, she was inclined towards laughter anyway.  It was just too easy. 

They would be sitting with their parents at Sunday Mass, petite Lucrezia between the brothers who loomed tall on either side of her, whispering their bon mots into her ears.

“Lu, see that visiting priest?  The one with the bald dome and the straggly long hair hanging down.”

“Yeah, Lu, doesn’t he look just like Riff Raff?”

She would begin to giggle.  Her shoulders would shake and she would cover her mouth and pretend to cough, but invariably she would succumb to fits of laughter that would cause her parents to turn and glare at her while her brothers sat most prayerfully with folded hands and bowed heads.

 

“Honestly, Lucrezia, what is the matter with you?  Why can’t you behave?  Laughing in church?  During Mass?  For shame!  You don’t see your brothers carrying on, do you?”

Such an easy mark was Lucrezia that she would not even defend herself by ratting out her instigators.

Her brothers really should have been ashamed.  But they weren’t.

 

Watching a parade honoring military veterans, causing pride to swell in the chests of the spectators, Lucrezia turned her head to follow Cesare’s pointing finger. 

“Sis, look at that horse taking a crap.”

“And check out that old guy with the VFW cap marching and stepping right in it.”

 

The Borgia family went to the movie theater to see the reissued “Lawrence of Arabia,” a monumental and dignified epic.  As the screen displayed a dazzling, endless desert scape accompanied by a swelling, heroic musical score, the brothers leaned in to Lucrezia.

“Meanwhile, back at the oasis …”

“The Arabs were eating their dates!”

 

“Lucrezia, what are we going to do with you?  We have you sit between your brothers so you can follow their example, and still you laugh out loud wherever we go.  Your mother and I despair over you.”

“Lucrezia, please try to act like a lady.  You always look so lovely in your pretty clothes, and then you laugh like a hyena.  It’s so unbecoming.”

“I’m sorry, Mom and Dad.  I’ll be good.”

Her brothers really should have been ashamed.  But they weren’t.

 

Dining together at an upscale seafood restaurant, with soft lighting and muted background music, the Borgias made an attractive example of a well-mannered family.  Until Juan was served a fish with the head still on it.  When his parents were occupied with the sommelier choosing wine, he picked up the fish head and pretended to make it kiss Cesare, who backhanded it and sent it flying across the room.  Only Lucrezia was still laughing when her parents turned their attention back to the table. 

 

The Borgias attended a solemn memorial service for Mr. Borgia’s business partner, a much beloved and respected man who had recently passed away after a long life devoted to civic and charitable good works.  Wearing well-tailored dark suits and sober, respectful expressions on their faces, the brothers flanked their sedately dressed sister on either side.  As the first speaker took the podium, Juan and Cesare both leaned over to Lucrezia. 

“Now, whatever you do, Sis…”

“Don’t laugh!”

Her brothers really should have been ashamed.  But they weren’t.


End file.
